The Scariest Part of College: Saying Goodbye

I've said this before, but it feels like it was just a few weeks ago that I was completely freaking out about college. The summer after senior year was both a great summer and a horrible one. I had finished high school and was excited about my college choice. I had no job, no homework, and absolutely zero obligations. I was able to completely relax. Or so I thought. There was one thing eating away at me. The fact that I'd have to say goodbye to my parents and siblings.


I'm sure this a common worry that many of us have had and one that many of us will continue to have. Once again, I was being irrational. I was scared for one specific moment: 5:00 pm on Thursday, August 27, 2009. This was the time that my school had listed on the orientation schedule as "Parents and students say goodbye." At one point during the summer, I realized that I wasn't spending all those hours worrying about actually being away from my parents. I was worrying about 5:00 pm. I was worrying about how I'd say goodbye.

I imagined that move-in day (August 27) would be nothing more than a countdown until 5:00. Luckily, I didn't realize that moving is kind of a big deal and you don't have much time to update your countdown every hour. 5:00 came quickly. We walked to their rental car and I obviously started sobbing. I wore sunglasses on purpose, so that I could hide my eyes on the walk back to my room. We hugged a few times, said "I love you" a few more times, and finally they drove away. I was sad for a few minutes, but quickly moved on to go participate in other orientation activities. A huge weight was lifted off my chest, because that one moment has passed. Although I still had to deal with actually being away, which is a completely different story, I no longer had to worry about that goodbye.

Here's the advice I'd give to Pre-Freshmen Year Mer:

1. Don't worry about the goodbye moment. It's so easy to obsess over one moment since you know exactly when it's going to happen. However, the moment itself is not worth obsessing over. You know you're going to say goodbye. It's inevitable, and there's nothing you can do! When I was worrying about it last summer, I knew this, but I didn't believe it. Obsessing over the moment is just going to make the moments, days, and months before that one moment miserable. This goes for anything, not just saying goodbye!

2. Remember that you're NOT leaving forever. I kept thinking of going to college as this big thing like, now I will be independent and on my own. I will never live at home again. But here I am at home, and I have been here for almost two months. College is weird because you're technically living away from home, but you still have your "real" home. You may be spending more time living in this new place, but you're not leaving forever.

3. Enjoy your summer! I definitely enjoyed my summer, but I did let my worries eat away at me. You can't just shut these worries off, but you can work on refocusing your energy so that you're spending more time doing things you enjoy and less time sitting there worrying. If you find yourself worrying, you have two choices to deal with it: write about it or forget about it. I find that writing about things often helps me sort out my thoughts. I suggest handwriting instead of typing, but do whatever works for you. If you don't want to write about it, stop thinking about it. Read a book, watch a dumb movie, go exercise. Do SOMETHING that will take your focus off the worries!

The first few times that I came home were hard. However, I'm getting used to this rhythm of going to school, coming home, and going back to school. Saying goodbye is still hard, but it has gotten so much easier. I don't worry about it anymore, I just take it as it comes.

If any of you are anxious about college, especially leaving for it, and need someone to talk to, my email inbox is always open!