Leaving Home: When does the sadness stop?

My sister is going to be a freshman in college this year, and she left yesterday. The night before she left we both broke down crying and she asked me, "When does the sadness stop?" I didn't know what to tell her. It is different for everyone. For me, my life changed as soon as my roommate moved out. That was when I FINALLY started to settle in and adjust. So I would so that for me, the sadness stopped after Thanksgiving.

However, I can't tell you when your sadness will stop. Going away for college is a huge adjustment and we all will deal with it differently. I can tell you that the sadness you experience before leaving is a lot different from the sadness you experience when you're there.

The sadness you experience before leaving is absolutely horrible. It's all anticipation. Anticipating the moment you walk out of your room for the "last time." Anticipating the moment you close the door to your house. The moment you say good bye to your friends, your dog or that weird tree outside. It's that countdown until you leave. The thing I was most nervous about was saying goodbye to my parents once we were at school. However, they had to leave and I had other things to be doing. We hugged, we cried, and parted ways. Then it was done. That one moment I had been anxious about for months was over. And even though they're gone and you're away from home, there's a huge wave of relief to know that the goodbyes are over. This is the sadness you experience before leaving.

The sadness you experience when you're at school is different. You're already at this new place, you've said your goodbyes, and you're there to stay. There isn't anything to anticipate. This sadness is more manageable, in my opinion. There are a few different ways to manage it. I chose to deny that I was homesick, which came back to bite me in the butt when I had a huge breakdown and had to go home for a weekend in September. I would not suggest trying to pretend that you're not homesick. It's totally normal! I also wouldn't suggest publicizing your homesickness in an obnoxious way. Let me explain. "Sally misses her dog!" is totally fine. "Sally hates this place. Can't wait to get out of here," is probably not going to do you any favors. There was a girl in my class who always made her status things like that but a little more explicit. I can't stop you from making statuses like that, but please don't! People will see you as grouchy and unpleasant, and nobody wants to be friends with an unpleasant grouch. Well, I definitely don't.

I would, however, suggest that you find ways to connect with your home. For me, it was just calling my mom a few times a week and texting her at least once a day to check in. How was my brother? How was my dog? What was she doing that day? Little things like that made me feel a lot closer to home.

I also was fortunate enough to be relatively close to home, only an hour long plane flight away. This means that it's easy for me to go home for a weekend, and easy for my parents to come visit me for a weekend. I saw my parents at least once every month, and I had a month long Winter Break. Whether it was in Southern California or at home, I saw them often. This gave me something to look forward to. Make certain plans for when you'll see your friends and family again, and the weeks will fly by.

The sadness will come and go. But, from my experience, the anticipation of homesickness is way worse than homesickness itself. And something that i didn't realize until I got home for the summer - you're not gone forever. We make such a huge deal out of everything we do being "the last" time we do it. However, we'll be back again. Life goes on while we're gone but when we get back it's as if we never left. So you're not doing everything for the last time. It's only the last time before you go to college and get a new perspective!